Issua ibn Iosep Hajeduhim ba Bet'lehim was an itinerant wanderer of Arabic descent from the regions surrounding the Dead Sea of the Roman Imperial District of Judea, in what is now known as Jordan. Brought up as a strict Essene Jew, as a child he learned the simple ascetic belief-system that governed the Essene way of life. His calm yet inquisitive nature, excellent memory, and aptitude with both the spoken and written forms of his native tongue, meant it was expected he would enter the priesthood, but he ultimately left his family & community as a young man of some fifteen or sixteen years of age to find his own way in the world instead.
Some years later, Issua ended up at a Buddhist monastery in the Jagannath region of western India, an area still rich in a blend of basic Hindu and Buddhist beliefs. Monastic texts described him as "a young Yida [Arab], dark of skin but light of spirit for the ways of Buddha are as air to him", who became an acolyte and then a mendicant teacher and healer for the region. After a few years, he decided to return to his homeland.
After rejoining the Essene communities of Jerusalem, he became dismayed to see how downtrodden the people had become under the rule of the Romans and the ruling theocrats, the Pharisee Jewish elite, and began to teach others the ways of living he had learned amongst the people of India, who still managed to lead a fulfilling, harmonious life despite the opression of the Brahmin rulers. Like any idea which seemed to offer escape from the opression of their elders, the young people took to Issua's ideas with enthusiasm, and despite his upbringing this notoriety prompted him to resume his mendicant ways, traveling across Judea teaching this new belief. Like Siddhartha Gautama did several hundred years before him, he roamed the country from vilage to town to city with several self-styled disciples and acolytes, using his fame as a healer to attract people, and his natural talent as a storyteller to spread his ideas wrapped up in parables.
With notoriety as both a highly skiller healer and spellbinding storyteller spreading before him, the sick, the infirm, the dissatisfied and the curious flocked to the larger towns along Issua's route to the northern border. it did not take long for news of the crowds Issua was getting to reach the ears of the Holy Roman Empire and the Pharisees; Issua's basic message was one of respect, harmony and self-trust, and as all he was doing was teaching people how to have a better life and was not actively advocating rebellion against the Romans or the Pharisees, they were content to just keep a watchful eye.
During a stop-over to heal and preach in the large town of Migdal, on the north-western shore of the Sea of Galilee, Issua healed a young woman named Miryam, and she became a daily visitor to Issua's camp to hear him speak. Sharp of mind herself, her frequent and insightful questions caught Issua's attention, and being both young adults, mutual attraction took its course and they fell in love. As they were both practicing Jews, they did it 'by the book', petitioned Miryam's family for permission to marry, and on return to Migdal several months later, were married in the large synagogue that served the region around Galilee. Miryam's insights and deep understanding of Issua's teachings ensured her place among the inner circle of Issua's growing ministry, and disciples would often turn to her for interpretations and understanding, as well as being the public female face of Issua's movement. Miryam eventually bore two children by Issua, a son and a daughter.
When any public movement grows large enough, you will get hot-heads, and Issua's ministry had its fair share of militant idealists. Issua and the inner circle tried to distance themselves from the hot-heads, but this was all the Romans & Pharisees needed to deal with what they were now seeing as a political threat to their hold on power. In Jerusalem, he was taken at spear-point by Roman legionaries, made to sit through a sham trial of heresy by the Pharisees using a paid stooge to testify against Issua, and then sentenced by the Pilate to be executed by crucifiction, ironically only a few miles north of where he had been born just over thirty years earlier.
Some three hundred years later, with the rapid rise to popularity of Issua's version of Judaism threatening to replace the religous pantheon of gods that formed the backbone of the failing Holy Roman Empire, Emperor Constantine set plans into motion to adopt this new religion as the official Roman religion. Realising that the Roman empire could no longer maintain its absolute rule as a power through military might, the only chance the Empire had of surviving was to become a theocratic power instead. To this end, the First Council of Nicaea was formed to gather, codify and edit a mixture of the available gospels with the brutal aspects of Rome's vengeful pantheon of gods so they were acceptable to the Roman people. As the Roman people (and their subjugated cultures) were used to the concepts of gods (or a god), the Council decided to make Issua a demigod, removed all reference to his marriage to Miryam and portrayed her as a repentant prostitute, and because Rome and the theocrats were male, deliberately excluded the three gospels written by women, and created the myth of the virgin birth.
To ensure that this new religion became the official and only verson and the books chosen by the Nicean council were the only accepted "canon", one Bishop Athanasius decreed that all non-canonical books and gospels to be found and destroyed, and decreed that anyone who did not accept the 'new' religion were to be killed. Thus, the Roman Catholic Church was born.
Much of the original teachings of Issua did survive the pogrom of destruction, with several sub-sects going to great lengths to hide un-edited copies away from the long arm of Constantine and his pet bishopric. Today, the purest form of the original teachings of Issua can be found in the Egyptian Coptic Church. The oldest surviving texts of the first gospels are part of the Dead Sea Scrolls, or the Nag Hammadi Library, and translations show an almost perfect match with today's Coptic and surviving Gnostic gospels. Much to the Roman Catholic Church's chagrin, the rulers of Egypt at the time decided not to hand over these holy texts, but keep them temselves as a national historic treasure available to all scholars, instead of being locked away in the Vatican's library and out of reach of all but the highest-placed clergymen of the See.
Issua is, of course, better known as Jesus Christ, aka Jesus of Nazareth, and his wife Miryam is otherwise known as Mary Magdalene.
2011-06-14
2008-04-29
British police have a near-miss(ile)
Two British traffic patrol officers from North Berwick, east of Edinburgh, were involved in an unusual incident, while checking for speeding motorists on the A1 Great North Road.
One of the officers (who are not named) used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was suprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 mph. The machine then stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it.
The radar had in fact locked on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet over the North Sea, which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Borders district.
Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office.
Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style. "Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had automatically locked on to your 'hostile radar equipment' and sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, the Sidewinder air-to-ground missiles aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also locked on to the target. Fortunately the Dutch pilot flying the Tornado responded to the missile status alert intelligently and was able to override the automatic protection system before the missile was launched."
One of the officers (who are not named) used a hand-held radar device to check the speed of a vehicle approaching over the crest of a hill, and was suprised when the speed was recorded at over 300 mph. The machine then stopped working and the officers were not able to reset it.
The radar had in fact locked on to a NATO Tornado fighter jet over the North Sea, which was engaged in a low-flying exercise over the Borders district.
Back at police headquarters the chief constable fired off a stiff complaint to the RAF Liaison office.
Back came the reply in true laconic RAF style. "Thank you for your message, which allows us to complete the file on this incident. You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Tornado had automatically locked on to your 'hostile radar equipment' and sent a jamming signal back to it. Furthermore, the Sidewinder air-to-ground missiles aboard the fully-armed aircraft had also locked on to the target. Fortunately the Dutch pilot flying the Tornado responded to the missile status alert intelligently and was able to override the automatic protection system before the missile was launched."
2008-04-14
Exercising your imagination keeps you human.
They say a picture is worth a thousand words; I would rather use one hundred words, and create an infinite number of pictures in the minds of my readers.
The primary purpose of humanity is to create, be it buildings, babies, books or what-have-you. Everything begins as an idea inside someone's head, and through creative and physical endeavour, becomes reality. Imagination is the engine of creative thought, and the more mental detail one can give to a creation that exists only in the mind's eye, the more powerful the creation and the greater impact the creation has once it reaches reality.
Like any skill, imagination works only when it is kept well exercised. However, the more we are exposed to visual representations of an alternate reality, and the more "real" that alternate reality is portrayed, the less our imagination is asked to 'fill in the gaps' to achieve a believable immersion in that reality. The easier it becomes to 'believe' what we are seeing on the screen -- be it TV, movies, or computer games -- the more our imagination becomes stunted and inflexible. We lose the ability to craft that important fine detail on the images within our minds.
Boredom is the hallmark of a dead or dying imagination ... and without imagination, we lose the ability to create. Once we cannot create, we cease to be human. I firmly believe that we have to create regularly -- prose, visual arts, dancing, programming, whatever -- or we go mad.
I read at least one novel per week. I estimate I watch a grand total of six hours of TV/movies per year. I rarely play computer games, and the less eye candy they have, the more I like them -- interactive text adventures like the original Infocom titles are, for me, the high art of gaming.
And you know what? I'm never bored. If I'm not reading, I'll be off visiting like-minded people, or building something, or making music, or writing something of my own purely for the sake of writing. I like being domestic, I like being a social butterfly, I like solitude and the stillness that comes with meditation.
Television tells us what to think and how to think. People who watch television (or any other form of visual entertainment with a high degree of realism) regularly, lose the ability to think -- I mean *really* think -- for themselves, and end up spending too much of their time living inside other people's heads instead of their own.
Be who you are and say what you feel, those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind :)
The primary purpose of humanity is to create, be it buildings, babies, books or what-have-you. Everything begins as an idea inside someone's head, and through creative and physical endeavour, becomes reality. Imagination is the engine of creative thought, and the more mental detail one can give to a creation that exists only in the mind's eye, the more powerful the creation and the greater impact the creation has once it reaches reality.
Like any skill, imagination works only when it is kept well exercised. However, the more we are exposed to visual representations of an alternate reality, and the more "real" that alternate reality is portrayed, the less our imagination is asked to 'fill in the gaps' to achieve a believable immersion in that reality. The easier it becomes to 'believe' what we are seeing on the screen -- be it TV, movies, or computer games -- the more our imagination becomes stunted and inflexible. We lose the ability to craft that important fine detail on the images within our minds.
Boredom is the hallmark of a dead or dying imagination ... and without imagination, we lose the ability to create. Once we cannot create, we cease to be human. I firmly believe that we have to create regularly -- prose, visual arts, dancing, programming, whatever -- or we go mad.
I read at least one novel per week. I estimate I watch a grand total of six hours of TV/movies per year. I rarely play computer games, and the less eye candy they have, the more I like them -- interactive text adventures like the original Infocom titles are, for me, the high art of gaming.
And you know what? I'm never bored. If I'm not reading, I'll be off visiting like-minded people, or building something, or making music, or writing something of my own purely for the sake of writing. I like being domestic, I like being a social butterfly, I like solitude and the stillness that comes with meditation.
Television tells us what to think and how to think. People who watch television (or any other form of visual entertainment with a high degree of realism) regularly, lose the ability to think -- I mean *really* think -- for themselves, and end up spending too much of their time living inside other people's heads instead of their own.
Be who you are and say what you feel, those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind :)
2008-01-16
Guys' Rules
Misappropriated from some random backwater of the intertubes ...
The Guys' Rules
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what a mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sport, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
The Guys' Rules
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. 'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what a mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as sport, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
2007-11-17
The Zen of Attraction
Ten Principles To The Zen Of Attraction
1. Promise Nothing. Just do what you most enjoy doing. Hidden benefit: You will always over-deliver.
2. Offer Nothing. Just share what you have with those who express an interest in it. Hidden benefit: Takes the pressure off of wanting other people to see you as valuable or important.
3. Expect Nothing. Just enjoy what you already have. It’s plenty. Hidden benefit: You will realize how complete your life is already.
4. Need Nothing. Just build up your reserves and your needs will disappear. Hidden benefit: You boundaries will be extended and filled with space.
5. Create Nothing. Just respond well to what comes to you. Hidden benefit: Openness.
6. Hype Nothing. Just let quality sell by itself. Hidden benefit: Trustability.
7. Plan Nothing. Just take the path of least resistance. Hidden benefit: Achievement will become effortless.
8. Learn Nothing. Just let your body absorb it all on your behalf. Hidden benefit: You will become more receptive to what you need to know in the moment.
9. Become No One. Just be more of yourself. Hidden benefit: Authenticity.
10. Change Nothing. Just tell the truth and things will change by themselves. Hidden benefit: Acceptance.
Be yourself to see yourself to free yourself to be your Self.
"I think many people reading this will not understand the meaning of “nothing” as it relates to Zen ... unless, of course, you’ve studied some Buddhism. Shunyata, or emptiness, is the central Buddhist notion that all things are empty, impermanent, devoid of an essence, and characterized by suffering. This doesn’t mean to take the view of nihilism, rather, to see beyond the illusion through the practice of awakening. Take the red pill. :)
"It’s really tough to get the concept of Shunyata intellectually because it requires some diligent practice and probably some direct Satori experience.
"If for nothing else, let this post be a way to stretch the mind or to temporarily practice something that may seem counterintuitive."
(thanks to Graham English)
1. Promise Nothing. Just do what you most enjoy doing. Hidden benefit: You will always over-deliver.
2. Offer Nothing. Just share what you have with those who express an interest in it. Hidden benefit: Takes the pressure off of wanting other people to see you as valuable or important.
3. Expect Nothing. Just enjoy what you already have. It’s plenty. Hidden benefit: You will realize how complete your life is already.
4. Need Nothing. Just build up your reserves and your needs will disappear. Hidden benefit: You boundaries will be extended and filled with space.
5. Create Nothing. Just respond well to what comes to you. Hidden benefit: Openness.
6. Hype Nothing. Just let quality sell by itself. Hidden benefit: Trustability.
7. Plan Nothing. Just take the path of least resistance. Hidden benefit: Achievement will become effortless.
8. Learn Nothing. Just let your body absorb it all on your behalf. Hidden benefit: You will become more receptive to what you need to know in the moment.
9. Become No One. Just be more of yourself. Hidden benefit: Authenticity.
10. Change Nothing. Just tell the truth and things will change by themselves. Hidden benefit: Acceptance.
Be yourself to see yourself to free yourself to be your Self.
"I think many people reading this will not understand the meaning of “nothing” as it relates to Zen ... unless, of course, you’ve studied some Buddhism. Shunyata, or emptiness, is the central Buddhist notion that all things are empty, impermanent, devoid of an essence, and characterized by suffering. This doesn’t mean to take the view of nihilism, rather, to see beyond the illusion through the practice of awakening. Take the red pill. :)
"It’s really tough to get the concept of Shunyata intellectually because it requires some diligent practice and probably some direct Satori experience.
"If for nothing else, let this post be a way to stretch the mind or to temporarily practice something that may seem counterintuitive."
(thanks to Graham English)
2007-08-13
IRC Personalities
Anyone who IRCs regularly know of a few distinct personalities that irritate to the core. It's almost as if there is a nest somewhere making sure that the supply of lost AOLers, obnoxious 13 year olds and elitist know nothings don't run out, no matter how many you try to kick/ban off the planet.
The Elitist Know Nothing: This guy talks about everything with complete authority and refuses to budge on any topic as if he were the one who invented it. In all actuality, The Elitist Know Nothing, picked up most everything he knows from biased trade journals written by other Elitist Know Nothings. He has never really ever applied any of his knowledge to see if it's actually true or not. He just assumes that it is, and makes sure that you know your 20 years of programming experience mean nothing in the face of his all knowing intellect.
The Lost AOLer: This guy somehow managed to find IRC. He doesn't know exactly where he is. He is constantly confused as to why the ##linux (must be some kind of kinky sex act) members don't want to cyber with him.
THE 10-15 YEAR OLD: THESE GUYS ARE A MIX BETWEEN THE LOST AOLER AND THE ELITIST KNOW NOTHING. THEY HAVE FIGURED OUT THAT THEIR COMPUTER IS PRETTY SPIFFY AND THAT QBASIC CAN MAKE IT DO SOME KEWL STUFF. THEY THINK CAPS LOOK KEWLER THAN LOWERCASE AND YOU CAN ONLY HOPE AND PRAY THAT SOMEONE DOESN'T TEACH THEM L337. THE BRIGHT SIDE IS THAT THE 10-15 YEAR OLD WILL MAGICALLY LOG ON ONE DAY A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON.
The Scary Asian/Arab: This kid barges in the channel and asks questions in mildly coherent English that most likely threaten every bit of security you have. For example: say you run a shell server, the Scary Asian will come asking for an account.. for stuff and ssh. When you ask what kind of stuff he will give some vague answer. You figure he's harmless because he kinda sounds like the 10-15 year old. Two weeks later all your bandwidth disappears and you find most of it going through a ssh tunnel he set up. The FBI knocks on your door to inquire about some files going through your server.
The I Can't Read The Topic Guy: This guy will wander into the channel and paste 30 lines of code right off. Of course the code is C and the channel is #perl, but that doesn't stop him. He then goes on to ask a question about the code while four other channel members try to explain various things to him such as "this is #perl" or "there's a pastebin for a reason." The I Can't read The Topic Guy will then make some sort of apology and go spam all 30 lines of code in #C.
The Enter Key Abuser: This Guy
Does not understand
that
pressing enter after every
1-5 words
is irritating
and that people would listen
to him more
if he stopped that
Mr. Offtopic: This guy never talks about anything on topic. He'll tell you about the state of his room, the color of his socks, or about how awesome the hot pockets him mom brought him are. Never mind the fact that this is the #cryptography channel and you are trying to explain something to someone. Mr. Offtopic does not actually need any interaction from other users. He will continue rambling on regardless.
The Evil Wizard: This is the guy that's been programming for 30 years and has achieved wizardry. His sole purpose in life is to hang out in the help channels and inform anyone who asks a question how dumb they are. He refuses to part with any useful knowledge and instead tells people to google it or links to the most cryptic documentation he knows of. Delights in making newbies give up on whatever they were trying to do.
The 50/50 Guy: This guy actually knows his stuff.. Half of the time. The other half he cycles between all the annoying IRC personalties. He'll be talking coherently about a C program he wrote one minute and then suddenly go into a string of expletives and tell you about his toenails.
The Observationalist: This guy thinks he is better than everybody on IRC because he is able to lump the vast majority of users into groups. He most likely posts his 'findings' on a popular blog website that has nothing to do with IRC. While he believes his research is good for a few laughs, the truth is he submits his blog to the Digg community, and hopes that a few of the users are at least aware of IRC so that he may derive a few chuckles.
The Expert In the Mist: This guy knows almost everything about the discussion topic. He can program in 30 different languages and can build just about any electronic device from scratch. He has the answer to ALL of your questions. The only problem is he only stops idling for about 10 minutes, 12:00 at night on the first full moon of the year if the ambient temperature in France is equal to the the average temperature of the arctic icecaps multiplied by negative pi.
Mr. Quits: This guy quits randomly, often in the middle of a conversation, with no warning at all. Mr. Quits will be 3 lines away from fully explaining how to fix that obscure problem with your system when he suddenly quits. Mr. Quits never means to leave you hanging but he does it with such frequency that one can only assume he has a subconscious need to frustrate and shatter hopes.
The Drunkard: This si thast guy who stll massags oi got oblime nd talk abt.... stuff... even after he's brought himself 2 drinks away from alcohol poisoning. He normally starts off by listing in detail exactly what beverages were consumed in order for him to bless you with his current state. Then he slowly becomes less and less coherent until he gives a semi-coherent away message and passes out.
The Unknown Idler: This guy has been idling since the channel was started. Upon checking the logs you find that he said "hi" about two years back. May be dead.
The Playlist: I've often wanted to know exactly what song the other channel members are listening to. Thankfully, The Playlist is there to help me out. Shamelessly informing everyone in approximately 3 minute intervals the poorly formatted title, artist and play time information of their blatantly pirated mp3s. To make matters worse, The Playlist normally has horrendously bad taste in music.
The Morally Terrifying: This guy has no discernible morals. The morally terrifying is the only one who thinks a discussion about gun-point rape and the like is a fun channel topic. Freud would have a heyday with this man. We can just hope his mother knows better than to hug him for too long at a time.
Lucifer the Op: Just try to wander off topic or be slightly abrasive and Lucifer will kick/ban for the next 3 months. Lucifer tends to select a few close friends who make sure that he doesn't miss an opportunity to ban someone.
The Uninformed: This guy will join in on the discussion and talk about the topic. Can get very repetitive and infuriating. Whether it be about religion or cars he will contribute something... normally obvious or blatantly wrong. Will make sure you completely understand that smaller tires give you better gas mileage.
The Internet Aggregator: This guy never says anything of his own (other than the occasional lol or yea) but constantly sends links of funny/interesting finds on the internet. A internet aggregator is most terrifying when paired with digg and bash.
The Bot: The Bot is a hideous twisted peice of code that sits in the channel and spams useless information. Normally some withered malicious soul controls the silly thing, making sure that it has all the features nobody wants, such as the google compare feature or the all popular insult generator. The Bot's owner will normally start using his bot during the most interesting discussion of the day, there by ending it. The Bot is often modeled after other annoying IRC personalities, so that the channel will always have an Internet Aggregator and Lucifer the Op.
(unashamedly stolen from Coatzee)
The Elitist Know Nothing: This guy talks about everything with complete authority and refuses to budge on any topic as if he were the one who invented it. In all actuality, The Elitist Know Nothing, picked up most everything he knows from biased trade journals written by other Elitist Know Nothings. He has never really ever applied any of his knowledge to see if it's actually true or not. He just assumes that it is, and makes sure that you know your 20 years of programming experience mean nothing in the face of his all knowing intellect.
The Lost AOLer: This guy somehow managed to find IRC. He doesn't know exactly where he is. He is constantly confused as to why the ##linux (must be some kind of kinky sex act) members don't want to cyber with him.
THE 10-15 YEAR OLD: THESE GUYS ARE A MIX BETWEEN THE LOST AOLER AND THE ELITIST KNOW NOTHING. THEY HAVE FIGURED OUT THAT THEIR COMPUTER IS PRETTY SPIFFY AND THAT QBASIC CAN MAKE IT DO SOME KEWL STUFF. THEY THINK CAPS LOOK KEWLER THAN LOWERCASE AND YOU CAN ONLY HOPE AND PRAY THAT SOMEONE DOESN'T TEACH THEM L337. THE BRIGHT SIDE IS THAT THE 10-15 YEAR OLD WILL MAGICALLY LOG ON ONE DAY A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PERSON.
The Scary Asian/Arab: This kid barges in the channel and asks questions in mildly coherent English that most likely threaten every bit of security you have. For example: say you run a shell server, the Scary Asian will come asking for an account.. for stuff and ssh. When you ask what kind of stuff he will give some vague answer. You figure he's harmless because he kinda sounds like the 10-15 year old. Two weeks later all your bandwidth disappears and you find most of it going through a ssh tunnel he set up. The FBI knocks on your door to inquire about some files going through your server.
The I Can't Read The Topic Guy: This guy will wander into the channel and paste 30 lines of code right off. Of course the code is C and the channel is #perl, but that doesn't stop him. He then goes on to ask a question about the code while four other channel members try to explain various things to him such as "this is #perl" or "there's a pastebin for a reason." The I Can't read The Topic Guy will then make some sort of apology and go spam all 30 lines of code in #C.
The Enter Key Abuser: This Guy
Does not understand
that
pressing enter after every
1-5 words
is irritating
and that people would listen
to him more
if he stopped that
Mr. Offtopic: This guy never talks about anything on topic. He'll tell you about the state of his room, the color of his socks, or about how awesome the hot pockets him mom brought him are. Never mind the fact that this is the #cryptography channel and you are trying to explain something to someone. Mr. Offtopic does not actually need any interaction from other users. He will continue rambling on regardless.
The Evil Wizard: This is the guy that's been programming for 30 years and has achieved wizardry. His sole purpose in life is to hang out in the help channels and inform anyone who asks a question how dumb they are. He refuses to part with any useful knowledge and instead tells people to google it or links to the most cryptic documentation he knows of. Delights in making newbies give up on whatever they were trying to do.
The 50/50 Guy: This guy actually knows his stuff.. Half of the time. The other half he cycles between all the annoying IRC personalties. He'll be talking coherently about a C program he wrote one minute and then suddenly go into a string of expletives and tell you about his toenails.
The Observationalist: This guy thinks he is better than everybody on IRC because he is able to lump the vast majority of users into groups. He most likely posts his 'findings' on a popular blog website that has nothing to do with IRC. While he believes his research is good for a few laughs, the truth is he submits his blog to the Digg community, and hopes that a few of the users are at least aware of IRC so that he may derive a few chuckles.
The Expert In the Mist: This guy knows almost everything about the discussion topic. He can program in 30 different languages and can build just about any electronic device from scratch. He has the answer to ALL of your questions. The only problem is he only stops idling for about 10 minutes, 12:00 at night on the first full moon of the year if the ambient temperature in France is equal to the the average temperature of the arctic icecaps multiplied by negative pi.
Mr. Quits: This guy quits randomly, often in the middle of a conversation, with no warning at all. Mr. Quits will be 3 lines away from fully explaining how to fix that obscure problem with your system when he suddenly quits. Mr. Quits never means to leave you hanging but he does it with such frequency that one can only assume he has a subconscious need to frustrate and shatter hopes.
The Drunkard: This si thast guy who stll massags oi got oblime nd talk abt.... stuff... even after he's brought himself 2 drinks away from alcohol poisoning. He normally starts off by listing in detail exactly what beverages were consumed in order for him to bless you with his current state. Then he slowly becomes less and less coherent until he gives a semi-coherent away message and passes out.
The Unknown Idler: This guy has been idling since the channel was started. Upon checking the logs you find that he said "hi" about two years back. May be dead.
The Playlist: I've often wanted to know exactly what song the other channel members are listening to. Thankfully, The Playlist is there to help me out. Shamelessly informing everyone in approximately 3 minute intervals the poorly formatted title, artist and play time information of their blatantly pirated mp3s. To make matters worse, The Playlist normally has horrendously bad taste in music.
The Morally Terrifying: This guy has no discernible morals. The morally terrifying is the only one who thinks a discussion about gun-point rape and the like is a fun channel topic. Freud would have a heyday with this man. We can just hope his mother knows better than to hug him for too long at a time.
Lucifer the Op: Just try to wander off topic or be slightly abrasive and Lucifer will kick/ban for the next 3 months. Lucifer tends to select a few close friends who make sure that he doesn't miss an opportunity to ban someone.
The Uninformed: This guy will join in on the discussion and talk about the topic. Can get very repetitive and infuriating. Whether it be about religion or cars he will contribute something... normally obvious or blatantly wrong. Will make sure you completely understand that smaller tires give you better gas mileage.
The Internet Aggregator: This guy never says anything of his own (other than the occasional lol or yea) but constantly sends links of funny/interesting finds on the internet. A internet aggregator is most terrifying when paired with digg and bash.
The Bot: The Bot is a hideous twisted peice of code that sits in the channel and spams useless information. Normally some withered malicious soul controls the silly thing, making sure that it has all the features nobody wants, such as the google compare feature or the all popular insult generator. The Bot's owner will normally start using his bot during the most interesting discussion of the day, there by ending it. The Bot is often modeled after other annoying IRC personalities, so that the channel will always have an Internet Aggregator and Lucifer the Op.
(unashamedly stolen from Coatzee)
2007-08-12
Touch Me, Feel Me, Heal Me
[shamelessly lifted from an article in The Guardian, July 2007]
We have virtual friends, choose to live alone and are becoming less tactile with others. But touch is fundamental to our health, writes Laura Barton.
"Everybody needs touch, especially the elderly," says Beata Aleksandrowicz. "Very often they are alone, their partners have gone or have died or they're sick, and nobody is touching them." In a calmly lit treatment room in west London, Aleksandrowicz, a massage therapist, is speaking about a project she launched in June which saw therapists across the country give free hand massages to elderly people in nursing homes.
The response was heartening. "I had reactions such as, 'Oh, I had no idea that I need touch so much' or, 'Oh, it's like I'm in fairyland!'" But Aleksandrowicz found getting the project off the ground difficult - partly because of its name: Touch Me ... Please. The word "touch", she explains, has such negative connotations that some care homes were reluctant to become involved.
Bertrand Russell once wrote: "Not only our geometry and our physics, but our whole conception of what exists outside us is based upon the sense of touch." But our experience of touch is dwindling. Increasingly we live alone, have virtual friends, shy away from any kind of physical contact with strangers for fear it might be unhygienic, or inappropriate, or could become violent.
The effects of not touching can prove detrimental to our wellbeing, both as individuals and as a society. "When you touch or are touched, you get the feeling of being connected with yourself and with others," says Aleksandrowicz, placing one hand on my arm. "When I touch you, you feel my touch - so by my touch you feel that you exist, and you can connect with me. It is a feeling of being important, of being taken care of."
A 1997 study into the amount of touching and aggression among adolescents looked at the behaviour of 40 teenagers in McDonald's outlets in Paris and Miami. It found that American adolescents spent considerably less time stroking, kissing, hugging and leaning against their peers than their French counterparts did.
Interestingly, the Americans showed more self-touching - such as playing with rings on their fingers, wringing their hands, twirling hair, wrapping arms around themselves, cracking knuckles, biting their lips - and also behaviour that was more aggressive, verbally and physically, towards their peers.
These findings are worrying - particularly because research suggests that an absence of touching and physical interaction during adolescence may result in violent behaviour in later life. Touch deprivation appears to lead to a depletion in norepinephrine and serotonin, which, along with dopamine, are neurotransmitters affecting mood. When levels of norepinephrine and serotonin fall, levels of dopamine are left uninhibited - leading to the impulsive, often aggressive, behaviour associated with high levels of dopamine. (Research also suggests that levels of norepinephrine and serotonin may be increased through touch.)
And yet, even though we're isolating ourselves from it, humans crave physical touch. It is one of the reasons people keep pets, Aleksandrowicz believes: "Because they can touch them, they can exchange warmth with them." And we look for touch, too, Aleksandrowicz suspects, in casual sexual encounters. Not that we should. "Casual sex is not about touch, it's about sex, and sex is not necessarily touch," she says. "So you wake up in the morning with the feeling that it was a total mistake, and you still need to be held and embraced."
In many ways it was her own yearning for touch that brought Aleksandrowicz to massage. "I had some problems with my second husband," she says. "We had a lot of problems with intimacy, we couldn't open up for each other, and our friend just gave us the advice to try to touch each other a lot and just see how it goes. And I was amazed how closed I was to touch. I could not receive touch - it made me panic."
Now she offers courses for couples (as well as encouraging parents to massage their children, so they grow up to find touch usual). "You suddenly see these men who open up so much," she says.
Aleksandrowicz was born in Poland. She is wary of making generalisations about a nation, but in Britain, she says, "There is not a culture where touch is natural. We don't feel very confident in the presence of others, therefore touch is not natural, it's not organic, and the word 'touch' is so misused."
However, the situation is improving. Five years ago, when searching for premises for her company, Pure Massage, estate agents told Aleksandrowicz she would have to change the business's name. "We were looking for a property for two years!" Now massage has been solidly reclaimed as a reputable business.
But it is not just the UK where negative or uncomfortable attitudes have prevailed. Aleksandrowicz recently returned from a trip to meet bushmen in the Kalahari. She expected them to have a much freer approach to physical interaction - and was shocked to find that was not the case. "I was in the middle of Namibia, 40 degrees, sitting on the sand, with people who I've never seen before, whose culture is 40,000 years old, and they were all asking about touch," Aleksandrowicz says.
She massaged everyone in the village, sometimes several times over. The first to be massaged was the oldest woman in the village. "Suddenly there was silence, this whole village stopped what they were doing - they stopped talking and started to sing," says Aleksandrowicz. She believes that the political situation of the bushmen - landless, powerless, severed from their traditions and history - has led to this intense feeling of disconnection. "It was very interesting. All of them asked me to touch their chests - the most emotional part of the body, and also responsible for the ego. They don't know who they are - they're lost."
Some would say that people in the west are also losing sight of who they are. We shy from touching each other, but are obsessed with appearance. We would rather, for example, go under the surgeon's knife than accept our own bodies. "We are living in a materialistic time," says Aleksandrowicz, "where if you don't see, you don't have. So we have cars, we have high salaries, we have the right shape of our bottom ... But we stop believing that we have enormous potential inside us."
And what does Aleksandrowicz get from a career that involves touching people all day long? "It's amazing," she says sweetly. "It is a communication on the most basic fundamental level, where there are no words or judgment or ego. It's just the purest possible interaction between two people".
For more information on Aleksandrowicz's work, visit puremassage.com and touch-me-please.org
We have virtual friends, choose to live alone and are becoming less tactile with others. But touch is fundamental to our health, writes Laura Barton.
"Everybody needs touch, especially the elderly," says Beata Aleksandrowicz. "Very often they are alone, their partners have gone or have died or they're sick, and nobody is touching them." In a calmly lit treatment room in west London, Aleksandrowicz, a massage therapist, is speaking about a project she launched in June which saw therapists across the country give free hand massages to elderly people in nursing homes.
The response was heartening. "I had reactions such as, 'Oh, I had no idea that I need touch so much' or, 'Oh, it's like I'm in fairyland!'" But Aleksandrowicz found getting the project off the ground difficult - partly because of its name: Touch Me ... Please. The word "touch", she explains, has such negative connotations that some care homes were reluctant to become involved.
Bertrand Russell once wrote: "Not only our geometry and our physics, but our whole conception of what exists outside us is based upon the sense of touch." But our experience of touch is dwindling. Increasingly we live alone, have virtual friends, shy away from any kind of physical contact with strangers for fear it might be unhygienic, or inappropriate, or could become violent.
The effects of not touching can prove detrimental to our wellbeing, both as individuals and as a society. "When you touch or are touched, you get the feeling of being connected with yourself and with others," says Aleksandrowicz, placing one hand on my arm. "When I touch you, you feel my touch - so by my touch you feel that you exist, and you can connect with me. It is a feeling of being important, of being taken care of."
A 1997 study into the amount of touching and aggression among adolescents looked at the behaviour of 40 teenagers in McDonald's outlets in Paris and Miami. It found that American adolescents spent considerably less time stroking, kissing, hugging and leaning against their peers than their French counterparts did.
Interestingly, the Americans showed more self-touching - such as playing with rings on their fingers, wringing their hands, twirling hair, wrapping arms around themselves, cracking knuckles, biting their lips - and also behaviour that was more aggressive, verbally and physically, towards their peers.
These findings are worrying - particularly because research suggests that an absence of touching and physical interaction during adolescence may result in violent behaviour in later life. Touch deprivation appears to lead to a depletion in norepinephrine and serotonin, which, along with dopamine, are neurotransmitters affecting mood. When levels of norepinephrine and serotonin fall, levels of dopamine are left uninhibited - leading to the impulsive, often aggressive, behaviour associated with high levels of dopamine. (Research also suggests that levels of norepinephrine and serotonin may be increased through touch.)
And yet, even though we're isolating ourselves from it, humans crave physical touch. It is one of the reasons people keep pets, Aleksandrowicz believes: "Because they can touch them, they can exchange warmth with them." And we look for touch, too, Aleksandrowicz suspects, in casual sexual encounters. Not that we should. "Casual sex is not about touch, it's about sex, and sex is not necessarily touch," she says. "So you wake up in the morning with the feeling that it was a total mistake, and you still need to be held and embraced."
In many ways it was her own yearning for touch that brought Aleksandrowicz to massage. "I had some problems with my second husband," she says. "We had a lot of problems with intimacy, we couldn't open up for each other, and our friend just gave us the advice to try to touch each other a lot and just see how it goes. And I was amazed how closed I was to touch. I could not receive touch - it made me panic."
Now she offers courses for couples (as well as encouraging parents to massage their children, so they grow up to find touch usual). "You suddenly see these men who open up so much," she says.
Aleksandrowicz was born in Poland. She is wary of making generalisations about a nation, but in Britain, she says, "There is not a culture where touch is natural. We don't feel very confident in the presence of others, therefore touch is not natural, it's not organic, and the word 'touch' is so misused."
However, the situation is improving. Five years ago, when searching for premises for her company, Pure Massage, estate agents told Aleksandrowicz she would have to change the business's name. "We were looking for a property for two years!" Now massage has been solidly reclaimed as a reputable business.
But it is not just the UK where negative or uncomfortable attitudes have prevailed. Aleksandrowicz recently returned from a trip to meet bushmen in the Kalahari. She expected them to have a much freer approach to physical interaction - and was shocked to find that was not the case. "I was in the middle of Namibia, 40 degrees, sitting on the sand, with people who I've never seen before, whose culture is 40,000 years old, and they were all asking about touch," Aleksandrowicz says.
She massaged everyone in the village, sometimes several times over. The first to be massaged was the oldest woman in the village. "Suddenly there was silence, this whole village stopped what they were doing - they stopped talking and started to sing," says Aleksandrowicz. She believes that the political situation of the bushmen - landless, powerless, severed from their traditions and history - has led to this intense feeling of disconnection. "It was very interesting. All of them asked me to touch their chests - the most emotional part of the body, and also responsible for the ego. They don't know who they are - they're lost."
Some would say that people in the west are also losing sight of who they are. We shy from touching each other, but are obsessed with appearance. We would rather, for example, go under the surgeon's knife than accept our own bodies. "We are living in a materialistic time," says Aleksandrowicz, "where if you don't see, you don't have. So we have cars, we have high salaries, we have the right shape of our bottom ... But we stop believing that we have enormous potential inside us."
And what does Aleksandrowicz get from a career that involves touching people all day long? "It's amazing," she says sweetly. "It is a communication on the most basic fundamental level, where there are no words or judgment or ego. It's just the purest possible interaction between two people".
For more information on Aleksandrowicz's work, visit puremassage.com and touch-me-please.org
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